The past four days have been full of tears, headaches, and nausea from missing my beloved and closest friend and the man I called my husband.  It breaks my heart! Part of me can not believe what has actually happened… On the other hand, my senses and painful memories of the hospital sober me to reality of his passing… yet my Hope comes from him going into the arms of Jesus!  Josh is in heaven because of his unwavering faith in Christ, not because he was a “good” person or performed enough good deeds to save himself, ^“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith.” Romans 3:23-25.  

It comforts me to know Josh is enjoying the splendor of God and being free from sin and from his physically ill body; while it still hurts to loose him here on this earth. The boys too miss their daddy! At night before bed or before naps, Nathan says in a faint voice out loud, “I want my Daddy!”  He sits on my lap and I tell him it’s OK to cry.  I also tell him about what a wonderful place heaven is.  Nathan now will ask me if we can cry together.  Yesterday, he said he wanted to go to heaven so he can see Daddy and asked if he would be able to hug him and play cars with him there.  In these difficult movements, I have the privilege of sharing with my children the Way God has made for us to get to heaven through Jesus who died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins.  Noah wanted to see Daddy so he looked through pictures of him.  Please pray for the boys to be convinced of the love of God despite his seeming absence.  God is ever present and cares so much for our tears and fears.  So many people have come along side of us an helped carry the burden of our loss.  Please continue to pray for the Noah and Nathan.  Ultimately pray for their salvation, that they would have the Hope of being reunited again in heaven one day through the perfect life of Jesus.

Today, someone from the church here took Noah and a group of boys Noah’s age to play laser tag! Thank you Clackamas Bible Church for all your love and support! We will be staying here for at least the end of the week.  May 20th we will be having Josh’s memorial service at Merlin Community Baptist Church  in Merlin, OR.  Thank you Merlin Church for all your love, cards, and support!  Prayers for the preparations that must be made in the near future, as well as for direction, wisdom, guidance and provision for us going forward.  The Santa Clarita, CA memorial service is to be announced soon! Thank you for all your prayers, loving messages, and support!

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