The doctors had told us Josh may not make it through the night. So I stayed up all night in his ICU room (very uncomfortable small rooms) and tried to comfort him. It was very sad and stressful to see him having a harder and harder time breathing… My heart began to race to the roof and get so anxious I feared having a panic attack. I hadn’t slept all night. It was 5a.m. The doctor took me outside and asked if I was taking care of myself: he was concerned. My mom had just flown into town and was at home with the boys sleeping; yet I haven’t seen her. So I ended up deciding to make a it back home briefly to pick up my mom and try to nap for an hour or so, then return with my mom before the doctors got there at 7a.m. Before I left the hospital I prayed with Josh knowing it may be the last time. On my way home I called a friend who’s gone through a BMT transplant with her husband and we prayed for God’s will to be made clear because I didn’t know what to do. I was in agony watching Josh suffer and his whole body begin to shut down. When I got home, the hospital called and asked me how long it would take me to get back. Then, a minute later, they said Josh had went home with the Lord for full healing at about 5:20am just as the sun was rising.
My mom and I drove back to the hospital where Josh’s body looked so different, but in a good way! He had a little smile on his face and glow about him that just looked so peaceful. The nurse said that right after I prayed with him and left, his heart rate and blood pressure got worst until his heart stopped beating. I was actually glad to see him free from his frail body and knowing he is now with the Lord! Yet, my heart still aches and can’t stop beating fast. I have not been able to really rest or eat at all. I feel sick to my stomach. Please pray for the peace that surpasses all understanding in Christ for our family. Pray for the boys to not doubt God’s love and be filled with comfort. May we all be comforted with the promises in Scripture of eternal life that is free to all who believe in in the Son. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16
Yesterday one of our elders Larry “happen” to be in town. He had wanted to drop off a banner the church signed for Josh. When I asked him to come ASAP last night, he dropped everything and rushed over and spent four hours with Josh reading Scripture and encouraging him. Since Larry stayed serval hours, I got to go home and tuck the boys in at night. We still need all your prayers for help lifting the weight of our grief through prayer. I will post more updates regarding memorial services. Josh wanted two–one in our church in Merlin and one in CA with family and friends there. Thank you!